when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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