If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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