happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
