Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
