and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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