Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
