Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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