Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize