PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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