he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
