I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
