oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
