i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
