I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
