First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
