maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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