Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
