I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
