I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
