We need to rekindle our bromance
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
