she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
