Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
