i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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