Ketchup is God's man juice
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
