the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
false alarm, still single
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
