Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
