I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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