You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
