my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
