The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
