hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
