Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
