Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
