Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
