I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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