Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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