Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize