i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
