Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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