I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
