we have officially lost it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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