Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
