its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
