sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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