I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
