he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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