happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
