He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
