Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
