How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize