oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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