She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
