Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
