what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
