im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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