ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
