Don't make out with my wife yet
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
