lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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