I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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