I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
