Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
