i may or may not be watching the land before time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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