It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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