I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
