i don't like sucking hair
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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