My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize